Balls and Walnuts

I promised photos the other day, but I did not deliver. My email and high speed internet access were both thoroughly effed up and we only managed to fix things yesterday.

Here’s how much they love me. No other Chief has gotten a banner. I got two.

And this is the small banner. They put the big-assed banner over the cafeteria doors for everyone to see (on their way in to ask for the biscuits and gravy which are no longer served).

See me in action below the cut.

Kids often ask,

“Why do you have plastic on the chair?”

And I feel compelled to give the honest answer.

“Because some people aren’t as clean as you are and they have crawly bugs in their hair. You wouldn’t want to catch their crawly bugs, would you?”

Or . . .

“Because some people are so stinky you would actually smell the smell they left behind in the chair. You wouldn’t like that, would you?”

Or . . .

“Because some old people can’t control themselves like you can, and they go pee in the chair. This way, I can change the plastic, and we’re ready to go for the next patient!”

This last one always gets the same reaction: the child inspects the chair thoroughly. Apparently, they think I might have missed a small puddle of pee.

A successful operation concluded (note ball of wax at the end of my instrument):

Why is it people (almost) always want to see what I get out? And then they’ll often say, “Disgusting,” or “Dirty!” How would you feel if your clients were always telling you that your life’s work was disgusting or dirty?

Now, if I were Seymore Butts, I could take it in stride. “Just doing my job, Ma’am,” I would say, with a great big cheesy smile.

D.