Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Those Potter spoilers for which you have yearned
Now that the Rowling wench has profited from her lies, I supposed you would like to know the truth of the matter. Sans filigree, sans varnish, as those Americans say.
First and foremost, I am fine, as you can plainly see. In the bone-chilling denouement of our misadventures, I most certainly did not get my hair caught up in one of Voldemort’s Convolvulus spells; my scalp warms my pate still, nary a drop of blood spilt. Nor did that spell foreshorten Little Lord Potter’s wand, as is evident here. (That last image is neither safe for work nor conducive to good corneal health. Click only if you wish to indulge your most self-destructive tendencies.)
Norbert the dragon did not, with a fiery belch, roast the hapless Luna Lovegood. Luna and Hermione presently cohabit in a kitschy Soho flat, but don’t expect La Rowling to provide those steamy details. No, she’d rather turn the poor girl into Lovegood flambé than scandalize her young readers and jeopardize her precious profits.
Given Ms. Granger’s present lifestyle choices, I needn’t comment on her on-again, off-again histoires de coeur with that Weasley sniveler. But never fear: I understand Nymphadora slipped Weasley some Amortentia potion at last year’s Sorting Ceremony Feast, and now he is an official Tonk Boy Toy. I was wondering why she asked me for a dram of Rohypnol . . . the woman never did have confidence in her potion-making abilities.
What about all those deaths and resurrections of which Rowling is so very fond? All of it untrue. Yes, yes, life is so dreadfully undramatic, isn’t it? Why, just the other day Albus and I were giggling over our butter beers on this very point. We had received our advance copy of Deathly Hallows (Rowling grows a positively fetching tail if she fails to send us each an ARC) and for all the laughter, we could not see through the tears. Voldie swung by our table and made a grab for Albus’s copy.
“What is it? What is it? What confabulations has that hideous muggle wrought now?”
“You — you’re dead again,” said Albus. “Sorry old chap.”
I didn’t have time for Voldie’s grumblings. He was bringing us all down. I said, “Simply be content you’re not the object of slash fiction couplings with young Potter.”
That stopped him. “Much of that, is there?”
“Reams of it,” I said.
“Oy,” said Albus. “You’re making me hot. I wonder what Minerva’s up to tonight?”
S.
I clicked. Eek! Mine. Eyes.
God almighty, I clicked too. When will I learn?
At least I haven’t found any Crookshanks/Lupin action. pittens, kuppies.
Yup. I never should have shown Snape Monica Jackson’s blog.
I think I fully understand the ways of Cher and wanting her BagelBoy (Hello Baby!)
Pittens and kuppies!!
Even after reading the comments, I clicked. I know better. I am so out of it though I couldn’t decide if the guy was Harry or the guy from Lord of the Rings. THat’s how much attention I’m paying to the Big Screen.
oo, i’ve never seen the entire picture, cuz, well, there are KIDS that read mugglenet!
i have to say, though, i dont see why carrie and kate r and CD had such a problem–i think he’s hot! heh. heh. heh.
slash, i dont know if i can handle. a “friend” once brought some lily/james slash to school, and OMG my eyeballs just about burned up. WRONNNNGGGG–thinking about HP and company having sex is like thinking about your parents having sex. ew. gross. wrong. never mind why she had that at school, she’s a freak.
So . . . is he uncut, or just minimalistically cut? Karen and I couldn’t decide.
i’m not gonna look THAT close, doug, you perv.
oh, and btw, after following your link and stumbling across someone’s request for ginny/luna/hermione slash-fiction, i am officially disgusted with people. i mean, these are STRAIGHT characters in a KID’S book. who are like SISTERS to each other. gah. i gagged. what is WRONG with people?!
He’s obviously uncut. Most UK men are. They don’t do circumcision “just because” here, you have to have a legit reason.It’s all “keep their foreskins and breast feed!” here…
…and obviously I *AM* a perv as I did look that close.
Shaina, it never ceases to amaze me how I can rob your innocence from 3000 miles away 😉 Sorry!
Lyvvie, what’s so perverted about a woman looking at a guy’s junk? (My wife points out that if he’s seventeen and not eighteen in that photo, it could be illegal.)
Well, he just turned 18 this week so…I dunno. Age of consent is 16 here, 18 to vote. I have no idea what the legal age is to pose nude for art pictures.