Crosseyed and Painless Thirteen

This is, what, the third week I failed to write a Thirteen about my surgical internship? You wouldn’t think it would be such a big deal. After all, I made my romance protag a surgical intern; but I also filled his life with prime booty, and gave him a sex drive powerful enough to overwhelm even the worst internship fatigue.

Yup. Fantasy.

No, the memories are still too tetchy. I might as well try to write “Thirteen Painful Memories.”

Hey, there’s a thought!

Heh. Fat chance.

The Writers and Booze Thirteen: A Quiz

Test your knowledge of the classic writerly vice! Answers in the comments; no fair checking the sources until afterwards. Bonus points if you get your blood alcohol level up to 0.08% before taking the quiz.

1. This famous cross-dresser’s favorite drink was a mojito. Or maybe Absinthe. Or Rum Daquiri. Or a Gin Martini. (Source.)

A. Thomas Jefferson
B. Quentin Crisp
C. Ernest Hemingway
D. Richard Nixon
E. Dorothy Parker

2. “You’re a rummy, but no more than most good writers are.” Said by whom, to whom? (Source.)

A. Faulkner to Hemingway.
B. Hemingway to Fitzgerald.
C. Fitzgerald to Steinbeck.
D. Steinbeck to O’Neill.
E. O’Neill to Faulkner.

3. In which movie did Ray Milland play an alcoholic writer? (Source.)

A. The Darker Side of Terror.
B. The Dead Don’t Die.
C. The Lost Weekend.
D. I Wanted Wings.
E. Ebb Tide.

4. According to Author X’s biographer, “While X was writing [literary work Y], he would have a double martini before lunch, another with lunch and a stinger afterward.” Name X and Y. (Source.)

A. Raymond Carver; “Will You Be Quiet, Please”
B. F. Scott Fitzgerald; Tender is the Night
C. Edgar Allan Poe; “The Gold Bug”
D. Jack London; John Barleycorn
E. Truman Capote; In Cold Blood.

5. Name the teetotaler. (Same source as #4.)

A. Stephen Crane.
B. John O’Hara.
C. Sinclair Lewis.
D. Upton Sinclair.
E. Dylan Thomas.

6. Name the rummy. (Same source as #4.)

A. Mark Twain
B. Sherwood Anderson
C. Saul Bellow.
D. Flannery O’Connor.
E. Lillian Hellman.

7. Which fictional character was not an alcoholic? (Source.)

A. Philip Marlowe.
B. Athos
C. Jack Torrance.
D. Blanche DuBois.
E. Winky the House Elf.

8. Jack Kerouac’s favorite drink was a . . . (Source.)

A. Whiskey sour.
B. White Russian
C. Margarita
D. Pabst Blue Ribbon beer.
E. White wine spritzer.

9. Who said, “Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker”? (Source.)

A. Roy Blount, Jr.
B. Dorothy Parker.
C. Ogden Nash.
D. James Thurber.
E. Mark Twain.

10. Who said, “Creationists make it sound as though a ‘theory’ is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night.” (Source.)

A. Carl Sagan.
B. Ernst Mayr.
C. Stephen Jay Gould.
D. Isaac Asimov.
E. Stephen Hawking.

11. Which movie featured an alcoholic author who was a thinly veiled William Faulkner? (Source: my brain.)

A. Barton Fink.
B. Paris, Texas.
C. Henry and June.
D. The Long, Hot Summer.
E. Robotech: The Macross Saga.

12. Who said, “Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity”? (Source.)

A. Mark Twain.
B. Friedrich Nietzsche.
C. George Bernard Shaw.
D. Karl Marx.
E. Aldous Huxley.

13. Consider this one a warning to all you writers out there. What Hollywood gossip blogger wrote a post, “Staring Directly at a Drunken Britney Spears May Cause Blindness”?

A. Celebrity Smack.
B. Drunk Hollywood.
C. Hollywood Tuna.
D. Hollywood Backwash.com
E. Star Muscle.

You know what to do: leave a comment, and I’ll give ya some linky lurve.

Lyvvie must have Balls of Steel!

How come May gets a vacation, and I don’t?

Sam has frosting on her teeth (just kidding)

Darla’s library will upset the Earth’s rotation. Think of an unbalanced tire . . .

Microsaur does Donna. (Mt. Donna, that is.)

Shelbi wants to be a Vulcan

D.