Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
We don’t look a day over 9000
Blue Gal and I passed a milestone this month: we each received over 10,000 hits. Yay, BG! Go, me!
As much as I appreciate all my readers, my regulars have a special place in my heart. THANK YOU. I shall make my thank you more concrete in a moment, but for now, thanks to all the li’l people who came here looking for this
or this
or this
Yes, Balls and Walnuts sails past the 10K mark on the strength of our uncredited use of stolen images. Teh Intranets are kewl.
Back to my regulars, the ones I lurve, the ones I bloody well write this blog for day after day cuz I know you’re out there reading me because you like me, you really like me. Sure, some folks blog to vent, some to change the world, some to network, some to practice their exhibitionistic skills. I’m partial to all those motivations (and, give me a sec, but I’m about to indulge one of them big time), but the real reason I do this is because you fill me. You make me complete. I know I shouldn’t look outside myself for that, but I am what I am. I need an audience.
Blue Gal gave her readers a You Tube music video; but what could I give you?
Me.
All of me.
Below the cut.
If you examine this carefully, you’ll find my muse over my right shoulder. Sorry, Erin, but I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time.
And before you guys bitch about me leaving my socks on, listen up. I only take my socks off for one woman.
D.
Did you ever see ‘Bull Durham’? There’s a scene where Susan Sarandon’s character and Tim Robbins’ character are getting ready to have sex, and she tells him to take his socks off first. He gets this confused look on his face, says something, and she responds with ‘Do you think Fernando Valenzuela leaves his socks on during sex?’ He then takes his scoks off.
You wouldn’t take your socks off if you were getting ready to have sex with Susan Sarandon??
BTW – the reason I didn’t ak you about my medical issues is because I have a whole list of specialists, so I’m very aware that they don’t like to dabble in other specialties. Besides, how much DO you know about PD-related peritonitis??
aaaaaaaah!!!
BG, was that a sigh of pleasure or a horrified shriek?
Mmm, Susan Sarandon. That woman puts the sex in sexagenarian. (Please tell me I’m not the first person to think up that silly joke.) I keep imagining her in Rocky Horror and The Hunger. Yeah, I’d take my socks off for Susan. Sorry, Karen.
You’re right, noxcat, I don’t know jack about your problem. It doesn’t stop people from asking me stuff, though (especially my mother). Which reminds me, I forgot to research Maureen’s question today. I kept reminding myself, too, but then someone would say something to derail my easily derailed train of thought. Bad train. Bad.
It was a scream of laughter.
On topic, this groaner just got emailed to me by a certain someone:
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo
toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is
hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day
promptly at 8:00 AM.
The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager’s
door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is
backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2
men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so
backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo’s all over the factory floor and
they’re really beginning to pile up.
At the end of the line stands Lena,
surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo’s. She has a roll of plush red
fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as
she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and
begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo’s legs. The
Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of
hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena. “I’m sorry,” he
says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, but I think you
misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday…” “Your job is to
give Elmo two test tickles.
Good on ya, dude. 😉 If there was ever any doubt in anyone’s minds just how much of a wildman you are, it has just been soundly erased.
But Doug, if you leave your socks on, we can’t see your sexy toe ring.
Hey, maybe we should start a meem here …
Congrats on the 10K!
XOXOXOXO
Now that, BG, is a shaggy dawg story!
Only problem, Kris, is when my 80-year-old patients start coming on to me.
SxK, time to get Dean & the camera.
No pics of me in that pose – no one here I’d trust to take it.
I wasn’t trying to imply you ‘don’t know jack’. That sounds rather harsh. It’s just that, since you’re not a nephrologist or an Infectious Disease Specialist, you wouldn’t be terribly comfortable answering questions I should be asking them.
I wasn’t the least offended, noxcat 😉 And that’s just how I talk. To my patients, too. “You think I know jack about this?” It’s fun watching ’em blink 🙂
Hoffman.
Hoffman, Hoffman, Hoffman.
Hoffman.
Doogle, you made my morning 🙂 Such a teddy bear of a man with all sorts of attractions…
BG – isn’t that a great joke? I lurved it too.
Wow! Look at all that HAIR!
“Me. You?
“All of me.” *cough* uhm, all of you?
“Below the cut.” *clamps eyes shut” Oh my god I’m not looking at anyone’s circumcision scar!!
*peeks* Oh…ok.
Why do you live in California when you are obviously much better served warming snow bunnies in Aspen???
is that 10k in one month or ever? Either way – well done. (BTW – I love the pic of Mrs. Snape!!”)
You’re absolutely right, Doug. We come here ’cause we love you. We really, really love you. And not in that weird stalker kinda way.. 🙂
Love n’ kisses, and congrats on the 10k!
Trish
10K in one month, Lyvvie, and no, you don’t get to see my circ scar. My sis reads this blog, for heaven’s sake!
Leslie, Trish, thank you.
Maureen, for you I’d shave it 😉
REally? You would? Look, Dougie, it’s clear you’ll do anything in the name of blogwhoredom, so I propose a little contest. What’s the most outrageous thing we can get Doug to shave into his back?
I’ll go first:
I HEART DUBYA
(With an actual heart, of course, not the word spelled out…)
heh – you sound like a doc I could get along with. I don’t like ‘there there dear, everything’s going to be just fine’ types – or the ones who want to just keep throwing drugs at problems – they both usually annoy me and I switch docs pretty quickly.
And I think you should shave ‘I DON’T KNOW JACK ABOUT THIS’ into your back. But that may be rather complicated.
Think I’ll sit back and let you guys run with this one.
HOWEVER, based on my recent experience with a shaved chest (shaved for a treadmill test — that GQ photo shoot was a coincidence. Really) it’ll take a lot more than blog whoredom to get me to shave my back. What’s your offer, Mo?
Ha! I’d bite, Doug, but we all know blog whoredom is more than enough incentive for you.
You shave “I’m Jim Bob’s Love-child” on your back, and I promise to giggle my ass off when I see the picture. 🙂
Heh. I promise to giggle, too. 😉
I don’t think he should should shave it. I think he should WAX it.
Waxing is kinda like painting, isn’t it? You paint warm wax on, then peel? So it would allow a much finer degree of control, wouldn’t it?
Yeah, waxing.
As for what, how about
“Remember Dammit!”
How about
“The OTHER Douggar”
Or:
My wife went to Portland and all I got was this hairy tee-shirt
Definitely a wax-job.
Waxing’s no good.
I suggest permanent hair removal with IPL.
Congrats on the 10K visitors.
Doug, that picture. It’s just …so … so hairy.
In case you haven’t been to my blog those last days, I have the perfect poem translation for you. 😀
Congrats on 10k Doug! You and Erin have inspired me. I was looking at your pic and remembering Erin’s and wishing I had the courage to do that. I have decided that when I reach my weight loss goal I AM gonna do it. I joined a gym last week because as of today both of my children are in school and I actually have time to do something for myself for the first time in years. It will probably take about a year, but mark it on your calendar. Next Fall there will be naked KariBelle pics (now if I can just find time to start a blog). I have to figure out what I will use for cover besides a chair. There is no way I can follow you guys.
Oh Doug, you ALWAYS manage to make me giggle :o)
And I was after a new screensaver shot, thanks!
Your picture made me remember this clip from the original Coupling: The Sock Gap. Just watch the first few minutes.
why look, my new computer wallpaper! (lemme just open photoshop to make a few changes first.)
I’d say thanks for the gift and the laugh even though that’s insulting–but the socks!
yes shave “duggar lover” on your back and I’d post it on my blog every day.
All the possibilities you’ve got with all that hair! Such missed opportunities, Dr D. Makes me wish I was hirsute.
But y’all do have hair you could shave. You’d have to use a very small font, but still. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. And if you do it, I’d be glad to post the photos on my blog.
How about this for a pube shave:
Keep out, Jim Bob!
And I.L., that is a great clip. My favorite line: the woman asks the guy, “What do you call people you go out with but you don’t try to sleep with?”
And the guy answers, “Men.”
I’m telling you guys, it’s hard-wired into our brains.
And this was a good one, too, from the same show (Coupling — do we get that in the States?)
Steve’s Naked Rant
Best bit, in case you don’t want to watch the whole thing:
“I like naked women! I’m a bloke, I’m supposed to like them, we’re born like that! We like naked women as soon we’re pulled out of one. Halfway down the birth canal, we’re already enjoying the view!”
Something about his delivery reminds me of the Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch. Only with naked women.
I get coupling on BBC Canada – or I did. Y’all tried to do an American version (same title) but it wasn’t half as good.
(However, you do an excellent version of The Office.)
Eh? what? IGNORE YOU? Didn’t I say you were to be my new wallpaper?
Right now the dog is up, but her days on my computer are numbered.
[…] For Erin & Doug. […]
Dear doctor dude, I was having a crappy day, fell asleep, woke up to dripping bloody earwax, for the 100 dth time..went online,found u, i like your style!
will go see ear nose t doc,thanks