Balls and Walnuts
more than you ever wanted to know
Thursday Thirteen: a medical quiz
We did the up-close-and-personal getting-to-know-me stuff last week. This week, let’s just have some fun. No fair googling the answers.
1. For starters, name the pierced structure:
I’m constantly amazed how many folks don’t know what this is. “Little hangy downy thingie,” that’s a popular name. Or “the man in the boat” — whoops, different mucus membrane.
My favorite piercing story: I’m examining a not well-preserved woman in her 60s. “Say ah,” says I, whereupon she proudly shows me her tongue piercing. Her husband laughs behind me, just like Goofy: HYUK HYUK HYUK! and I’m getting the nastiest mental images of what she’s been doing with that piercing.
“Oh,” I say. “You got your tongue pierced.”
Her husband sticks his tongue out and HE’S pierced, too. “Yeah, we got a two-fer!”
What a county.
2. What is the modern term for the disease lues?
Hint: I apologized to this kindly old great-grandpa for ordering the blood test. “Well, you know,” hem, haw, beat around the bush, “for all you know, your wife might have other boyfriends, and you know how some men are, always seeing prostitutes –“
“Yup. Did it all the time.”
“Oh. Right.” He still looked like a kindly old great-grandpa. “So you won’t mind if I order the test.”
“Nope. Not one bit.”
3. What is the common name for this not-so-wee beasty?
I have a great joke about how you get rid of these things. It involves a cookie, an apple, and a hammer. We’ll save it for some other time.
4. Prions are
(A) DNA viruses
(B) RNA viruses
(C) You’re making this sh!t up, aren’t you?
(D) Noncoding segments of DNA
(E) The infectious agent causing mad cow disease
5. What is this compound?
(A) Rubbing alcohol
(B) Methamphetamine
(C) Cocaine
(D) common table salt — and you thought you could trick me!
(E) TNT (trinitrotoluene)
6. Which of the following childhood illnesses lacks an effective vaccine?
(A) Red measles
(B) German measles
(C) Haemophilus influenzae
(D) Mumps
(E) Adolescent angst
7. You are camping in the wilderness and you realize your spouse forgot to pack toilet paper. With which leaf should you wipe?
or 
?
8. DSM IV is:
(A) A form of morphine administered intravenously
(B) A monoclonal antibody used in the treatment of rheumatoid arthritis
(C) The most extreme form of sadomasochistic paraphilia
(D) A manual which lists diagnostic criteria of mental illnesses
(E) Palmar hair growth among chronic masturbators
9. Cosmetic surgeons call this nasal shape (from emedicine.com):
(A) Polly beak deformity
(B) Hook nose
(C) Dorsal hump
(D) Luetic septal collapse
(E) Michael Jackson, 6 months post-Thriller
10. Gephyrophobia is:
(A) Fear of sexual intercourse
(B) Fear of ferrets and weasels
(C) Fear of crossing bridges
(D) Fear of sandstorms
(E) Fear of fear
11. Look closely at this ear.
This problem was caused by:
(A) A viral infection
(B) Leprosy
(C) Repeated trauma
(D) A sexually transmitted disease
(E) Dietary deficiency
12. Dermestid beetles
(A) Are the source of the supposed aphrodisiac, Spanish Fly
(B) Are the number three cause of blindness in the Third World
(C) Are used by forensic pathologists in their work
(D) Are tiny insects which cause intense subungual (beneath the fingernail) itching
(E) Have a super-intelligent hive mind and are planning world domination
13. Examine this abdominal X-ray:
The first question you should ask this patient is:
(A) You want fries with that?
(B) Should I remove it or change the batteries?
(C) Isn’t it a bugger when they get away from you like that?
(D) Does it pick up all the best radio stations?
(E) Maybe I should shut the eff up already, eh?
***
Answers.
1. This, my friends, is the uvula.
2. Syphilis
3. Tapeworm
4. (E) Here’s the wiki so you can learn more.
5. (C) Cocaine. If you fell for (D), please don’t tell me.
6. (E) Yeah, I had to throw in at least one easy question.
7. The one on the right is maple, which should be safe. The one on the left is poison ivy. Remember, “Leaves of three, don’t wipe with me.”
8. (D) “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IV (4)”
9. (A) Polly beak deformity. Hey, I don’t come up with these things. I’d be pretty pissed, too.
10. (C) Fear of crossing bridges.
11. (C) Repeated trauma. This is a cauliflower ear.
12. (C) Dermestid beetles are used for preparing skulls. Hungry little buggers.
13. All of the above.
How did you do?
Leave a message in the comments, and I’ll give you some cool linky love below.
Darla’s secrets to a happy marriage (great list, D!)
Kris’s having a survey (so what if it’s only 8 and not 13)
Trish’s 13 screwups on a job interview . . . priceless
D.
Well, I knew the poison ivy and the trauma ear (rugby players get them) And I think I answered #13 right, lol.
Otherwise I think the world is a safer place because I’m Not a doctor.
🙂
omg – 8 out of 13 correct. Evidently all that browsing among books and blogs, coupled with following some of the more interesting links on the internet has either been of some use to my education or a complete waste of time. Thanks for the giggles!
8 out of 13. I missed syphilis, cocaine, polly beak deformity, fear of crossing bridges and the cauliflour ear.
Fun chatting with you and your buddies last night, Doug.
*sigh* Just when I think I’m all worldly & shit. It took me a while to figure out the point of #1.
I got 9/13 right, but some of that was by guessing & process of elimination. Gotta love multiple choice tests.
1. uvula
3. tape worm
6. E
7. The one on the right, the one on the left is poison ivy.
11. C. I know a professional wrestler with it.
You will not effing believe me, but I answered these BEFORE I looked at your answers.
Hey, while were at it, Doc, what’s the composition of the gross stuff that comes out of a zit?
Who in the hell would get their uvula pierced?
So I dutifully answered these in notepad.exe, and then I get to the bottom and see that you’ve provided answers…
Ah, well. Live dangerously. I post my answers herewith, not having looked at the answer key.
1. Uvula
2. Syphilis
3. Tapeworm
4. E
5. C
6. E
7. The ones on the right, although given your interest in ginger butt plugs, maybe the ones on the left would be interesting.
8. D
9. B
10. Fear of answering this question wrong. Oh, what the hell – D.
11. C. He was probably a wrestler or a boxer.
12. A
13. “So, you busy later?”
I got 1, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, and 11 right. Though I must admit, some of ’em were SWAGs.
I should’ve known the Prions one, too, because I read Darwin’s Radio by Greg Bear, and I’m pretty sure there was some discussion of prions in there.
Also I must second Erin’s question: Who would get their uvula pierced? (and how?)
I think I got 5 right. 1, 3, 5, 7, 8 (although I liked the irony of calling DSM IV answer C).
Never mind how that piercer did the uvula – I want to know that piercer’s name. That’s the person I want for my next piercing – the piercer with the skillz.
Thanks to my hex-hubby, I immediately got #8.
I won’t tell you my grand total, though. We’ll just pretend I did really well, okay? 😀
I missed the one on cocaine (not real good with chemical drawings), gephyrophobia, and the beetles. Do 10 out of 13. 🙂
Complicated medical issues like Diabetes give one motivation for learning about medical science.
Big response on this one! We’ll have to do this again sometime.
I’ll try to find the time today to stop by and see who’s doing the 13.
Hex-hubby, Kris? You a practitioner of the Dark Arts? 🙂
wow, I actually got twelve out of thirteen!
“polly beak?” that’s a bit harsh
1. The thingy I wish I was born without.
2. One of the beasty STD’s – but I don’t think they’re even called that anymore.
3. OH! I know that one! Tapeworm!
4. Shrimp! Wait.. nope.. that’s Prawns… nevermind.
5. An ascii bicycle gone horribly wrong.
6. I’d say E, but I have a teen.. and I find that a good shot of Jack Daniels helps – as long as you administer it to the parent, not the child.
7. Depends. Are you a masochist? If so, the poison ivy could be fun. If not, I’d go for the maple. (and I only know that ’cause I’m Canadian. LOL)
8. Not in order if you’re learning the alphabet.
9. Ermm… funny lookin’?
10. Fear of Gephyros.
11. Oh! I know that! Boxers get it! Erm.. Cauliflower or something.. so it’s gotta be C.
12. I’d guess C – ’cause I know they use some bugs to clean bones n’ junk.
13. “Exactly how drunk were you!?” ? 🙂
I got adolescent angst and poison ivy right. I can only perceive that which I have experienced.
Naaaah. My real score was something like 8 out of 12, not including the last one. What IS that thang?
Kate, that really is a rectal foreign body, a vibrator.
Well you asked!
I got 9 – I knew I shoulda gone to med school!
You a practitioner of the Dark Arts?
You really wanna find out?? 😀
And *double* the linky loooove! I don’t know what to do with myself, Doug! 😉
I knew the tapeworm one right off and immediately thought of John Goddard who would always talk about his (remember him Doug?)
I don’t know which disgusts me more, getting the uvula pierced or the fact that someone in their 60’s did it. Those two sounded like a real pair.
I haven’t thought about John Goddard in years. Was he the same Goddard involved in early rocketry? I remember being profoundly bored by those assemblies. Most assemblies, but his too.
I have never before heard of a uvula piercing. It popped up when I went looking for uvula pix. Why would anyone do this? Perhaps they enjoy the gagging sensation? It makes no sense to me, none whatsoever. At least the tongue piercing has certain practical applications.
John Goddard is the guy who would travel all over the world and then bring his films and narrate them with appropriate sounds for animals, etc. I’m almost positive we still had him coming when you were at AHS. He stopped coming when kids at one assembly were rude to him.
What if you have acid reflux; can’t you choke to death with that thing on your uvula?
Yeah, I remember this dude. I was probably one of the ones razzing him from the audience.
(yeah, I wish. Effing goody two shoes)
Main risk of that thing, I think, is aspiration. If it came off, you might aspirate it into your lungs.
Great test!
3. Tapeworms have the unique distinction of being parasites within a parasite. Their eggs are carried around in flea bellies.
7. Back in the day growing up on the farm, I was into drying and smoking vines and attempting to get high. I smoked the wrong vine. I smoked poison sumac, like the dumb kid I was. Yes, it almost killed me. Yes, my lips were as big as my head.
9. I think I had a Polly Beak. I left it on the dashboard of a truck when we hit a stalled car on the interstate going 65mph. No, I did not have my seat belt on. Yes, I have worn it ever since.
I could wipe with both leaves as I’m immune to poison ivy. I used to roll in it as a kid on a dare and bring it home to garland the fireplace with. The immunity runs through the women on my mother’s side of the family. I keep wanting to find out if my girls also have this immunity, but we don’t have poison ivy in the UK.
I did alright with the rest – missed a few, got a few.
uvula piercing…Hmmmmm…..*contemplates* heehee
Stick with the tongue piercing, Lyv. Mr. Lyvvie will thank you for it.
Immune to poison ivy? I hadn’t heard of that!
[…] Another medical quiz By Walnut I’m humbled by my readership’s vocabulary skills, and you know, I don’t do “humble” well. So, to restore my ego’s place in the firmament, I thought it would be fun to have another medical quiz, given that this one was quite popular. […]